Knowing this blog it’s going to take the form of a list of things I carried, makes me laugh because for this particular journey the only belonging I had to my name, was my retainer. Yet I felt the weight of a million pounds. Sometime in high school I lost touch with reality and by my parents decision I was taken in the middle of the night to Utah, where I spent 4 months backpacking through the desert, withdrawing, healing, and getting back to reality.
While being transported to Utah my only belongings were the clothes I was wearing, and a book “A Great and Terrible Beauty” by Libba Bray. That all was taken from me (except my retainer), and I was given a backpack full of pre folded pre packed clothes and supplies. I was then blindfolded put into the back of a truck where I was dropped off in the middle of nowhere with a group of other girls all struggling with some kind of issue or another. I started out with the basics. A sleeping bag, a tarp to build a shelter with, 2 water bottles, a sleeping mat, hiking boots, blank journals, long johns, a balaclava, gloves, and woolen pants and winter coats (it was January). I carried a lot of stress and anxiety about recovering but also a lot of determination to finish my program and learn. The temperature dropped to around 1 or 2 degrees and with that I actually felt a weight lifted, the typical burdens of a teenage girl seemed weightless and trivial compared to what I was dealing with. I learned to make fire using a bow drill set and soon that became an essential part of my backpack contents. I carried the letters my parents had written and I carried pictures of my family and my friends. My group would take turns carrying communal supplies like food, pots and pans, and the portable latrine. I felt bad for the girls who had to carry the huge first aid kit, knowing I was the only one in the group with self harm issues who needed nightly bandages. But as time went on I appreciated it. And sometimes when girls would come in with eating disorders who couldn’t carry their own belongings, I was more than happy to help them, to help ease them into all they would end up carrying out there in the desert. I got to know the girls and some of them are still my very best friends. I carried their stories, their secrets and their struggles and they carried all of mine. By the end of those four months and still now, those issues don't feel like burdens, just a part of life.
While being transported to Utah my only belongings were the clothes I was wearing, and a book “A Great and Terrible Beauty” by Libba Bray. That all was taken from me (except my retainer), and I was given a backpack full of pre folded pre packed clothes and supplies. I was then blindfolded put into the back of a truck where I was dropped off in the middle of nowhere with a group of other girls all struggling with some kind of issue or another. I started out with the basics. A sleeping bag, a tarp to build a shelter with, 2 water bottles, a sleeping mat, hiking boots, blank journals, long johns, a balaclava, gloves, and woolen pants and winter coats (it was January). I carried a lot of stress and anxiety about recovering but also a lot of determination to finish my program and learn. The temperature dropped to around 1 or 2 degrees and with that I actually felt a weight lifted, the typical burdens of a teenage girl seemed weightless and trivial compared to what I was dealing with. I learned to make fire using a bow drill set and soon that became an essential part of my backpack contents. I carried the letters my parents had written and I carried pictures of my family and my friends. My group would take turns carrying communal supplies like food, pots and pans, and the portable latrine. I felt bad for the girls who had to carry the huge first aid kit, knowing I was the only one in the group with self harm issues who needed nightly bandages. But as time went on I appreciated it. And sometimes when girls would come in with eating disorders who couldn’t carry their own belongings, I was more than happy to help them, to help ease them into all they would end up carrying out there in the desert. I got to know the girls and some of them are still my very best friends. I carried their stories, their secrets and their struggles and they carried all of mine. By the end of those four months and still now, those issues don't feel like burdens, just a part of life.
Wow, this all sounds pretty scary, yet just as awesome as it is scary. I'm near positive that I would have no grasp on how treacherous any of this actually was to go through. I like how you basically went through everything that you had as you hiked for such a far distance. Unfortunately I’ve never had the opportunity to do such things, most likely due to the fact that we’re in Louisiana, which is one of the flattest places in the country with no mountains for miles beyond sight. Anyways, fun stuff, I’d love to do something like this one day
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