The things I carried with me when I moved to my grandparents' house after my parents' divorce:
- One futon frame (with no mattress, which left me sleeping on the couch for over a month)
- All of the clothes that I owned (minus a gray peacoat, which I had forgotten to grab out of the hall closet in all the confusion)
- A large cardboard box filled with movies. My favorites included:
- My James Dean collection
- The Hurt Locker
- Les Miserables
- The Wolf of Wall Street
- Lilo and Stitch
- An even larger cardboard box filled with just a few of my books, my favorites being:
- To Kill a Mockingbird
- The Iliad
- The Odyssey
- 'night, Mother
- The Glass Menagerie
- Boxes upon boxes of medical supplies
- A resentment toward my mom, whose financial instability had set the foundation for getting us into this situation.
- A jealousy toward my dead grandmother, whose death had pulled at the thread of my family fabric.
- A seething hatred for my ex-dad, whose child-like stupidity had completely unraveled it.
- A responsibility for the upbringing of my sister, because my broken mom and idiotic dad couldn't do it.
- A subtle fear that my grandparents might find out about my sexuality and kick me out of the house.
- Doubts about the nature of familial love.
- Doubts about God.
- Definite disbelief of God.
- Sorrow for my disbelief of God.
- A shattered hope for the future
- That one item that made me believe sometimes that everything might end up okay.
I really appreciate this list of what you carried to you grandparents house following your parents divorce. My parents are separated as well so I completely understand the sense of betrayal and resentment that follows after the divorce and I think your blog does a good job at conveying that. You keep the tone blunt and concise throughout the blog, which I think gives the reader a chance to catch the emotions that you’re attempting to express within the blog. Your blog is well written and doesn’t bring up anything disheartening until about half way through the blog, which in my opinion was a wise choice because it doesn’t saturate what your trying to say with emotion until that point.
ReplyDeleteBrutally honest.. I dig it man. I love the three bullets about God towards the end of your list. I feel like when we're at our lowest points a lot of us try to tackle the big questions, like what it all means and why should I believe, or should I start believing. And I really connected with your "Sorrow for my disbelief of God" bullet. There's always layers and layers of thoughts when we contemplate something as big as faith. Sorry you had such a rough time with your parent's divorce. My parent's divorce was almost a blessing to be honest simply because of the terrible fights that happened all the time. Was just meant to be. Sounds like you had a lot to carry around this time hope it all turned out ok.
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